What Dating Slow Looks Like
What Does “Dating Slow” Look Like? A Guide to Mindful, Intentional Dating
In the current dating climate, it can be tempting to rush through the early stages of a relationship. The anxiety of finding the “right person” or the disillusionment of the success of dating apps, then throw in feeling alone after surviving a divorce or break-up , can cause us to see more potential in a relationship than is actually there, and can encourage us to bend on our values or downplay essential needs.
From swiping through profiles to texting back and forth, we can easily get caught up in the excitement of new connections and quickly move into physical intimacy or, worse, exclusive commitments.
But what if dating didn’t have to be so fast?
What if the secret to building a strong, lasting connection was about slowing down and being intentional with each step?
As a dating coach, I’ve seen how bringing more intention into dating can lead to more meaningful, lasting relationships.
So, let’s talk about what it means to date slow and how it can transform the way you approach new connections. Here’s what dating slow looks like in practice:
1.Its Okay to be picky
When you date too many people at once, it’s easy to lose track of your intentions and miss out on forming real connections. Instead, focus on quality over quantity. Date a few people at a time, but don’t overwhelm yourself with too many options. This allows you to really invest time and energy into getting to know each person and seeing where things go, without rushing or spreading yourself too thin.
Why this works: Dating slow isn’t about limiting your options; it’s about focusing on the connections that feel meaningful. By keeping it manageable, you can give each person the attention they deserve and avoid dating burnout.
2. You Booze you loose
While drinks might seem like an easy icebreaker, they can also cloud judgment and lead to rushed decisions. When dating slow, it’s important to focus on clear, sober interactions that allow both of you to really get to know each other. Choose dates that focus on shared experiences and conversation—things like coffee dates, hikes, museum visits, or cooking a meal together.
Why this works: Early dates that don’t involve alcohol give you a better sense of who someone is without any external influences. You’ll also have the chance to connect more deeply and assess compatibility based on your conversations and shared activities, not just physical attraction.
3. Clarity is Key: State Your Intentions Early
Being upfront about your intentions is one of the most important aspects of dating slow. Don’t wait for months to clarify what you’re looking for in a relationship. By the time you’ve had a few dates, it’s important to share whether you’re looking for something casual or serious, and ask your date what they want too.
Why this works: Early, honest conversations about intentions can prevent misunderstandings and wasted time. This clarity helps both of you determine if you’re aligned and whether to keep exploring the connection or move on.
4. Sex can wait
While physical attraction is natural and important, dating slow means holding off on physical intimacy, especially in the early stages. This doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy affectionate gestures like holding hands or kissing, but try to avoid rushing into sex until you’ve built a deeper emotional connection.
Why this works: Delaying physical intimacy allows you to truly connect on a deeper level without the pressure or distraction of sexual chemistry. It also gives you both the time and space to see if the emotional connection is strong enough to support a deeper, physical relationship in the future.
5. Real Talk
One of the best ways to build a lasting connection is through meaningful, ongoing conversation. Don’t just talk about surface-level topics like work or the weather—use your dates as an opportunity to explore your values, life goals, and past experiences.
Why this works: Significant conversations help you both understand each other better and assess compatibility on a deeper level. By continuing to have these kinds of conversations over time, you build a foundation of trust and respect, which is key for any long-term relationship.
6. Delay VIP access
Taking things slow means not rushing into exclusivity until you’ve both had time to explore the connection. Continue to date a few other people while you’re getting to know someone, and don’t feel pressured to declare exclusivity before you’re ready. The key is to communicate openly about where you both stand and respect each other’s process.
Why this works: Dating multiple people allows you to assess the connection without rushing into commitment. It also gives you the space to see if someone truly stands out and if the relationship has the potential to move forward. Only when you both feel ready should you discuss exclusivity and what that commitment looks like.
Why Dating Slow Works
Dating slow might feel counterintuitive in a world where instant gratification often reigns, but it’s actually one of the most effective ways to build a healthy, lasting relationship. By slowing things down and focusing on getting to know someone on a deeper level, you ensure that both emotional and physical intimacy evolve naturally. You also reduce the pressure to “decide” too quickly about someone being your life partner or not.
When you take the time to build a connection, rather than rushing through stages, you give yourself and your potential partner the best chance of growing together and making a lasting bond.
Final Thoughts
If you’re tired of rushing through relationships or jumping into commitment too quickly, then dating slow might be the approach you need. It allows you to focus on building a genuine connection, moving at a pace that feels right for you, and setting a solid foundation for something long-term.
So, next time you’re thinking about diving into the dating world, ask yourself: “Am I ready to date slow?” If the answer is yes, then remember, great things take time. And the best relationships often begin when you let them unfold at their own pace.
