What is Divorce Mediation?
Generally, people use a divorce mediator when they can work well together but need help from a neutral third party to reach final agreements for their divorce. For example, divorce mediation sessions can resolve remaining questions about challenging topics like the division of assets, spousal and child support, or co-parenting plans. This article includes 5 reasons divorce mediation could be right for you.
Curious what divorce mediation is–and whether it could work for you?
I didn't understand the options for legally separating when I got divorced myself. Years later, I've learned a lot from personal experience and my clients. Here's what I learned focused on the divorce mediation option. I hope this article helps answer some questions! If you'd like support and guidance through your divorce or separation process, reach out to me.
First, before we dig into divorce mediation, I wanted to summarize all the different ways people get legally divorced:
Self-guided: You and your current spouse prepare legal documents yourselves and submit them to a judge for approval.
Collaborative divorce: You both agree to work together with a team of professionals including attorneys, to reach an agreement. The documents are given to a judge for approval.
Litigated divorce: Each of you will hire separate attorneys to represent you in court. The court will then decide the outcome of the divorce based on evidence presented by both sides.
Divorce mediation: You and your current spouse will work with a neutral third party called a mediator to help you reach agreements. Your mediator will prepare and file the documents for approval by a judge.
In this article we'll dig into what it means to hire a divorce mediator, and whether it's a good option for you.
What is divorce mediation?
Divorce mediation involves a third-party professional mediator who meets with both individuals involved in the divorce. The mediator's job is to help a couple in resolving disagreements and arriving at an agreement both parties can accept.
Topics discussed during a divorce mediation typically involve:
Division of assets
Child support
Spousal support
Custody and co-parenting plans
Who does divorce mediation work best for?
If you trust your current spouse to collaborate and deliver on their side of what's needed, divorce mediation could be a good option for you.
Generally, people use a divorce mediator when they can work well together but need help from a third party to reach final agreements. For example, divorce mediation sessions could focus on resolving your remaining questions about the division of assets or your co-parenting plans.
Does mediation mean you won't have your own attorney?
Agreeing to use a divorce mediator does not mean you can't have your own attorney. It's probably a good idea to get your own attorney as well as a mediator. Your attorney can help you strategize before mediation sessions and review documents with your interests in mind.
Who may not want to choose divorce mediation?
Some people simply can't or won't agree with one another. If you know this about your current spouse, divorce mediation may not be a good option for you.
Divorce mediation can also be challenging if there's a significant imbalance of power in your relationship. The person who holds the most power may never compromise or truly come to the table to negotiate.
Please seek professional help if you are experiencing domestic violence. There are trained professionals that can help you get the support you need.
5 reasons divorce mediation could be right for you
The benefits for people who can work with a mediator to define their separation and parenting agreements include:
1. More control over your future
Mediation allows you to craft a creative solution that works for both parties, rather than having a judge impose a one-size-fits all solution. You can bring your requests and with assistance, work out something that works for both of you.
In contrast, if your case goes before a judge, that judge will need to make quick decisions in the context of thousands of other cases they've seen. They're more likely to approve a "standard" way of doing things to resolve conflicts between the parties getting divorced.
"With mediation, you have the opportunity to really dive into the issues and craft creative solutions. Through mediation, a couple might come up with a specifically tailored situation." - Retired Judge Joseph Pandolfi
No one knows you and your family better than you. Would having more control and the flexibility to make customized agreements give you some peace of mind?
2. More cost effective
Divorce mediation is typically much less expensive than hiring a lawyer to represent you in court. That's because people getting a divorce typically share the cost of the mediator. The mediator prepares paperwork based on agreements made in the mediation sessions and submits them to a judge for final approval.
In contrast, especially in the case of a high conflict divorce, each party has their own attorney. Each spouse is responsible for paying their attorney(s) who'll make arguments and prepare and review documents. With serious things to resolve, such as child support, custody, division of assets, and alimony, attorney fees can add up quickly. If your attorney and other experts need to return to court multiple times, it can get really expensive.
3. Faster
Mediation is a good option if you have time constraints as it can be faster than litigation. As I said above, the judges are hearing many cases per day, and you were one of thousands so it can move at a very slow pace. In mediation you can set the pace for what works for you and your spouse.
One of my client's mediators recommended they use a private judge to get their agreements finalized more quickly. They decided to pay an additional fee rather than wait through the backlog of paperwork in the courts.
4. Avoid court
Mediation allows you to avoid a courtroom, making the process much less stressful for everyone involved. Mediation may also be a good option for you if you need more control over your schedule. For instance, if your job is quite demanding or you have childcare demands. You may want to have control over scheduling the mediation sessions rather than responding to a judge-appointed date.
5. Friendlier
Mediation can be a good way to start your post-divorce relationship with your ex.
Mediation sessions may not be easy for both people involved in a divorce. But even if it's hard, the divorce mediation process demonstrates trust and respect. By avoiding stressful court appearances and extra legal fees, both parties involved in divorce mediation may feel better about the whole process.
Summary
In short, divorce mediation is a great option if you and your current spouse can work together to reach agreements with the help of a neutral third party.
A divorce coach like myself can help you explore options in more detail, and prepare for each mediation session if you choose a mediator.
Want to learn more about how a divorce coach supports women like you? Get in touch!
"I went into every mediation session calm and prepared thanks to Kristie's coaching."
- Resilient Coaching client
